Comments on Surviving Oral Cancer: Where is the love in Cancer?

Point well taken! I do not view my girl frined of...

2008-08-23T01:24:00.000-04:00

Point well taken! I do not view my girl frined of six years a bad person at all. We are still very good friends and see each other a lot.

This is an interesting column which -- given my ci...

2008-08-21T14:33:00.000-04:00

This is an interesting column which -- given my circumstances as a woman and a caregiver -- I read with a great deal of interest. I can see that the person who chooses to leave a relationship (male or female) when a partner or spouse becomes ill may be seen as uncaring and may be labelled and despicable. Yet in my case, I decided to stay with my partner upon learning of his diagnosis even though we had decided a short time before to separate. I could not bear to see him go through this challenge alone. However, it has taken a high personal toll on me. I don't kid myself, though. He is the one with cancer and must live with it for the rest of his life. At some point, though, it comes down to survival for both. I can see a time -- hopefully when he is well again -- that I will have to leave and find my own way. I will feel good that I was there and able to help his recovery in some way. I attended all the doctor's appointments and almost every radiation and follow up appointment and carefully noted every piece of advice and ensured it was heeded. Will this "commitment" and support be appreciated or acknowledged, I am not so sure. It may all be lost in the bitterness of a relationship ending. What I wanted to say, though, is that those who choose to leave at some point after a partner is diagnosed with cancer are not always bad people. There were many issues within the relationship and reasons why we chose to separate earlier and those remain. A life threatening diagnosis is a wake-up call to both and can either pull a couple together or not. Everyone should remember that there is always two sides to consider.

John--this is beautiful. And, actually, you and I ...

2008-08-19T01:52:00.000-04:00

John--this is beautiful. And, actually, you and I are in agreement. I haven't had a partner during the 10 years I've lived with cancer, but I have been OK with that because I've had my sons and my good friends, and some relatives, who all love me. The love of these people has never wavered, and it keeps me going.

I wouldn't say I'm "disturbed" about the number of women with cancer who can't find a partner, I'm just pointing out that this is what I see and what women write and tell me.

But, as I said, you and I are in agreement about where to find love when you need it. And I hope that you settle into your new living arrangement, and--if you want one--a new partner comes along who can see you through all the ups and downs of life with cancer. Because you certainly deserve that.

Jeanne